Conservative Watchdog

In keeping with the holiday spirit, it has become apparent that it's time to finally put the blame for the end of the world squarely at the feet of the most obvious culprit: Wrapping paper! (No joke.)

The green movement has identified wrapping paper as a major part of the 'Green Axis of Evil,' a very anti-planet item that we need to vilify and find a way to remove from the joy that is Christmas or any holiday in fact.

Forget about the excitement of seeing your kids or relatives tearing open a present on Christmas Day... If the hippies had their way, your gifts would be wrapped in reusable shopping bags or newspapers... But preferably, nothing at all. 

Maybe once they rid the world of wrapping paper we can go for Christmas trees next since that is a horrible environmental evil... Can you imagine? Actual trees!! How could we???

While we're at it, maybe the hippies can add Jesus himself to the likes of, well, The U.S. as the major villain killing the planet. Maybe we should just replace Jesus with Al Gore, wrap all our gifts in leaves that fall to the ground, and have our families gather 'round a giant candle that replaces our Christmas tree, where we thank Al Gore for the blessings of the holidays...

So on December 25th, make sure to eat your Tofurkey and salad greens, put on the hand-made sweater made out of hemp from your Grandma, and wish Al Gore a Happy Birthday... Because really, isn't that what the season is all about? 

Read about the absurdity here >